What is worse for a guy than being bad at sports? Men judge and criticize each other over their athletic ability their entire lives. That is why I made the decision to transition from male to female…so I could win…nay dominate at women’s sports!
Ever since that first day in gym class. I will never forget it…it was brutal. Here I was this snot nose kid with glasses up against kids who looked like their parents fed them miracle grow. We played dodgeball and of course I was picked last…I mean who could blame them, just look at me?
I would usually hide in the back until there was no one left seemingly. Then it was up to good ole me. I remember it clear as day as I ran up to the line to get the rubber ball and out of the corner of my eye, WHAM!
I was nailed in the face with a fastball from a player on the other side of the dividing line almost rendering me unconscious. My glasses flew and skidded off the floor no doubt getting scratched up broken in the process as my body followed in suit hitting the hardwood gym floor. I heard my gym teacher yell “ok ok, let’s let the pansy collect HER bearings!” I heard a good amount of laughing and snickering from not only the winning team, but my team!
It was in that moment, I knew I had to transition from male to female to be better at sports…women’s sports! After all, that is why people transition from male to female in the first place! There are ZERO other reasons why someone would do this and turn their lives upside down for what?
I mean God gave men just the most athletic bodies to begin with, am I right? Testosterone makes them taller and faster and stronger. I for one like to think it makes them the superior athlete. So why not harness this base of athleticism and then transition from male to female so I can dominate women’s sports? It’s like a no-brainer…uh duh!
So all I have to do is sacrifice just a couple of teeny tiny things. I mean in the grand scheme of things, who needs their family/friends/support/love/affection, am I right? All things that are overrated, no big deal right?
So I came out to my parents and my entire family who have basically kicked me out of the house and I am disowned. I am basically living on a friend’s couch in their basement eating leftover dinner scraps along with their basset hound who howls 24/7 so I am getting zero sleep. I have nowhere else to go but, no I have to stay the course! I must transition from male to female to dominate at women’s sports!
Then came the onslaught and relentless ridicule from other students. The constant bullying when I tried to use the ladie’s room but was forced by my school to use the men’s room. That inevitably led me to constantly getting bullied and beaten up in the boys bathroom.
One time I was walking down the hallway and was trying to hold a shit in because I was afraid to use the bathroom and then the shit leaked through my pants and plopped on th floor in the hallway. All the kids starting heckling me and called me a freak and “Shit-For-Brains”. But nothing was going to stop me from my dream of transitioning from male to female and dominating at women’s sports!
So then I started hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I found some online pharmacy in Europe for estrogen and a testosterone blocker and ordered a bunch of it with my parent’s credit card that I memorized (I doubt they’ll even notice it knowing my brother is a roid head ordering from the same place). I just started taking it and figured if it’s for sale online, that means it has to be safe right?
So I started popping pills with no doctor supervision. I mean these pills are totally safe, I know what I’m doing. I mean there are kids out there smoking cigarettes underneath the bleachers after football games. That is WAY worse than this!
So after a few months of taking these surely safe hormones, I was able to join the women’s basketball team at school because now that I transitioned from male to female I was allowed. That is when I got the shock of my life.
There are cis gender women who are taller than me! Oh and some are even faster than me! That is not fair that they have this genetic advantage over me, what gives!?!? I was supposed to dominate and now I ride the bench!
So I quit basketball and turned to women’s volleyball and wouldn’t you know it? The same thing happened! How were these cis born women just in better shape…let alone taller than me to be able to spike the ball! Were they taking testosterone and pretending to be women because their hormones need to be checked! I mean I am making sacrifices and I am not even dominating!
Ok last but not least, I joined the women’s swim team. Ahh finally my naturally longer limbs and bigger lungs that I cultivated through puberty would surely give me the edge over every puny cis born woman! I mean that is why men transition from male to female, to have that biological advantage to dominate women’s sports! Not that liberal winy woke crap about “feeling like I am me in the right body” woke’ism propaganda they are pushing. That is definitely why you should NOT transition.
Then it came time for my first swim meet. I came in FIFTH PLACE. FIFTH?!? Are you flipping kidding me?!? How are all these cis born women doing better than me? I should have the biological advantage here. They must be cheating somehow, I don’t know how but I am going to get to the bottom of it.
I mean after all, I only gave up so little to dominate to be able to win more trophies and ribbons than every other woman out there! That is why I did this after all in the first place…to be first place in women’s sports! To dominate and win and to get the admiration I finally deserve and respect. No more “Shit-For-Brains” nickname for me!
Just a warning to all those women’s teams out there, I will find out how you are all cheating. All I need is time and then I will expose you for the frauds that you are so I can dominate women’s sports which is the only reason why someone would transition from male to female! Uh duh…no brainer!
NB: THIS PIECE IF YOU DID NOT CATCH ON IS PURELY SATIRE AND FICTIONAL.
All the Best!
– Amber
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